Floods of Memories
September 27, 2008, 12:04 am
Filed under: Blips, fun, happiness, hope, life, marriage, me

My first love emailed me today.

I immediately felt like the flat chested, naive fifth grader I was when I first decided I wanted to bear his children. In my defense when you are brought up at home, much like my own children, away from day care you can become insanely attached to the other little people in your life. After all we played The Dukes of Hazzard together and he let me be Daisy. He tried in vain to make me understand Star Wars and what an R2D2 was. He broke out laser tag in the basement and pretended to be the chef from The Muppets, just for me. He made me laugh. But I was littler than him and the girls he hung out with when I was in fifth grade had boobs and the guys had mini bikes and some kind of collector card just screaming testosterone. I became a little sister to him and he became my idol.

I carried this flame with me for years. Even when I sprouted buds of my own and we would hang out he was the one for me. Even after he shot me in the eye with a rubber band and forced me to play Nintendo with him and his new girlfriend. The whole way to the day he left for the Army way over on the other coast. But then he came home to visit after basic training and that is when I had to let him go. His mother arranged to take us to the movies, there was four of us that night. Afterward when they took me home she stayed to chat with my mother, they had been friends for years, and left us to chat in the kitchen. I remember Bryan Adams playing on the radio, the song from Robin Hood and I remember going out into the summer night and standing on the cellar doors looking at him and listening to a distant storm. How I wished he would just kiss me. I told myself he wanted to, I could just see it in his eyes. As I grew older I would come back to that night and decide that it was a cross between longing and pain. And then shortly after that night news came back that he was in love and had proposed to a young girl. I was crushed. I think I was in the ninth grade maybe eighth. I hated her right from the very beginning because she stole him from me. The very mention of her name felt like a knife twisting in my heart. I had waited all those years to be good enough for him to love back. And now I felt as though he were being ripped from my very world. It was some time till I was able to get over this.

And now today, not even twenty years later, he is back in my life. We had lost touch and there was that touchy gray area between husbands and wives that make opposite sex friendships dangerous. It was best if we lived in our own worlds, in our own time, with our own people. Till today.

Today he is back in my life and I am so ecstatic because after all these years he can still make me laugh. He is still my swedish chef. I’m not preparing to run off and marry him anymore. I no longer view him as a baby daddy, I welcome him back into life as a long lost friend I have missed so very much. After an incredibly rough week this has been a blessing. Just from the few emails we passed back and forth I can tell that he still gets me. He is still that one that you run to with all the joys and trials of life. He still knows how to make people laugh and I love nothing more than laughing. I can read in his mail that yes, he missed me. Sometimes in life there are people that feed on each other and need each other. They stand above family, they are above lovers, they are part of your soul. When I was young he shared my soul, I can only hope that we can share it again. Once upon a time he was my bestest girlfriend, he knew most of my secrets he shared in my pain, now this is the fairy tale ending.

Advertisements


Bullet Time
September 25, 2008, 9:57 pm
Filed under: Blips, fun, happiness, life, me

Before I bite the bullet here is a list of things I want to do:

Now you make a list and come back and tell me you did it!

*I’d settle for the trailer by the sea with the bed sheets. 🙂 I love being in bed!



Birth of Mother Nature
September 24, 2008, 8:15 pm
Filed under: bugs, fun, happiness, life, me, nature, outdoors, photography

Remember when I posted about my upset over the Milkweed plants and how I was so excited to photograph the bugs that survived the slaughter?

Well here is a before of one of the two caterpillars that I let the kids take inside to observe.

The second one was prematurely released due to a misunderstanding here in the household. It seems a certain someone released it so that it could ‘do it’s thing’ or whatever. But lucky for us this little guy was so tiny that he wasn’t seen and he was allowed to finish out his mutation inside our little replica butterfly world. We made sure it had fresh leaves and removed all the old ones daily. We even dumped his excess waste (Have you ever seen the size of a caterpillar turd? Yikes! They are worse than mice!) every couple days. And then one evening we noticed he had climbed up to the top and kind of hung himself in a J shape. And he stayed that way till morning. The kid’s were getting kind of worried about him and I promised I would keep an eye on him till they returned and about two hours after they left I did just that and found that he had turned into his beautiful little chrysalis. And I missed it.

Then we waited. Ten days to be exact. It was like when your due to have a baby and he goes past his expected birth date and you become obsessed that something is terribly wrong and then Walla! he hatches. Or is born, same thing.

And it was beautiful. The kids were home to see it dry it’s wings. And as I was setting it free from it’s impostor world it caught on my finger tip and wouldn’t let go. Normally I wouldn’t touch a butterfly for any reason because I have a fear that I could touch an elephant and break it. But this was an exception, it picked me, it hung to me and showed me his colors. I was most definitely impressed.

Feel free to click the images, they should get bigger!

*I may also add that this one in particular was actually a she, maybe Doug will came along and confirm that.



I Keep Looking Up
September 24, 2008, 2:03 am
Filed under: hope, life, me, nature, night, outdoors, sky, stars

Do you ever look at the sky at night and pick out a favorite constellation, planet or star?

Tonight as I stood out front I picked out Orion’s belt. Forever I have looked for his belt, since I first learned what those three beautiful stars were. The way they line up so perfectly all in a row in the scattered midnight sky. I noticed tonight how they hung so low most likely predicting the coming cold. They are always there for me, to pick out and  gaze upon. How I wish I could load up in a rocket and land on their shining mass. Like a vacation almost. I imagine landing, being the only soul there, having it all for me.

I don’t even care for the others. The seven sisters do not behold me the way his belt does. The dippers can not contain me in their emptiness. I have no longing to see Venus or ride the rings of Saturn. It’s just Orion. His belt beckoning me to be the buckle. When I talk of the stars with my son’s and we discuss the way that stars fade and burn out I always fear for that belt, wondering if some day it won’t be there for me in the quiet night waiting for me to drink in it’s gorgeousness. I think of how long it has been a part of the sky and how many millions of humans have looked at it and not even understood the endless history of those three perfectly aligned stars.

To have just that one stable part of life is all one needs to keep moving on. To know that there can be a constant in a world of change. That you can keep the beauty of something and yet still expand. Constantly yearning to create a perfectness to go with it.  Always changing. Life is always changing.  Sometimes I need rocks. Without them I am lost.



Spam Should Only Be Seen with Eggs
September 23, 2008, 4:06 am
Filed under: Blips, humor, me

I get these emails all the time telling me someone died in another country and I am the lucky recipient of their hard earned bucks.  I read the first one at least a year ago and now I’ve come to recognize them and toss them back into the technical landfill.

But this one was in my gmail account yesterday and I have to hand it to these idiots. They want me to believe this?  The part that really makes me giggle is that the email address is hotmail. Hotmail is so 90’s. No one uses that anymore, right? And may they rot in the depths of hell for even thinking that God would have a part in such a scam.

Who believes this stuff!?

Good Day,

My name is Mrs. Sherry Armstrong. I am a dying woman who had decided to donate
what I have to a reliable individual who will act as i will instruct
here. I am 63 years old and was diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago. I have
been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband
Mr. Armstrong Limberly to you for the good work of God, rather than allow my
husbands relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds ungodly.I will be
under going an operation here in Malaysia, and i pray that I survive the
operation. I have decided to WILL the sum of £10,000,000 (Ten Million Great
British Pounds) deposited in a secured bank in UK, to you for the good work of
the lord, the orphanage, the needy and to help the motherless.

Presently, I have informed my Doctor, Dr.Williams Koka. about my decision in
WILLING this funds to a reliable individual.You are to Contact my
Doctor through his email address (dr.williams_koka@hotmail.com) If you are
interested in carrying out this task,so that the Doctor can arrange and
instruct you on how the funds will be release to you. I know I have never meet
you, but in  other to fulfill this which borders me most and i got your email
address through my personal search on the internet, my mind tells me to inform
you about  this, and I hope you act sincerely, please contact my Doctor
immediately. Be informed that I can not read emails or receive phone calls for
now. You can get any information you need from my Doctor.He shall always give
me feedback and give you my words in return.God bless you.

Mrs.Sherry Armstrong



Sex I.D. How’s Your Mind Work?
September 23, 2008, 3:30 am
Filed under: fun, internet, life, me, world wide web

I found this rather interesting. It seems I should have been an engineer. Who knew?

If you do it come back and let me know what you might have learned from it!



Snot in the Oven
September 22, 2008, 3:49 pm
Filed under: Blips, cooking, happiness, humor, life, me, parenting, sick

The kids woke us yesterday at schoolday time. That means they didn’t sleep in. They crept into my room to tickle my exposed toes and announce in giggly voices that it was time to feed them. I pulled the covers over my head and explained that I was an ostrich and they couldn’t see me. I pleaded for them to go back downstairs and come back in a couple of hours but they kept right on insisting that they were starving to death and my assistance was needed promptly. I pulled on the proper attire and made my way to the kitchen desperately trying to grasp reality. I felt so awful. I hadn’t been drinking, I wasn’t up really late, I hadn’t even indulged in fatty late nite yummies of any sort. Why then did I feel like I belonged in my nice warm bed away from the world.

It took me till lunchtime to realize that I was sick. It was when I was buttering bread and slapping cheese inside the slices that I realized by the end of the day I most likely would feel a whole lot worse. And boy was I right. By the time I pulled the pork roast from the oven my nose was a spout turned on full force and I ended up dripping snot on the oven door. At least I missed the roast.

I hate getting sick. I don’t know anyone that likes it but it’s just not fair. You can’t call off work when you are a mom. You don’t have sick days. I have to sit and watch the house fall apart while I struggle to keep the simplest of tasks on target. Homework done, bodies washed, teeth clean, tummies full.  Even the pets suffer a little when I’m sick, their meals are late their cages aren’t as sparkly. And what takes a day or two to wreck takes a week to repair.

It’s like having a family when your eighty.

Of all the times to get sick my body decided that it should do it when hubby would be away. For four days. Just about the right amount of time for me to be my sickest. I had plans. I had crafting and gutting to do. Projects lined up and adventures to be taken. I have brownies to make and peach cobbler to bake. And now it’s a chore to just get the little ones to school and keep the littlest entertained.

I actually thought about adding a little vodka to my OJ this morning with hopes that it would numb the disappointment. But I feared what would happen when it met Mr. Vicodin that I had just downed. So my script for the day is plenty of Oj and a heaping dose of internet. After all tomorrow is a new day.