Weekend Review
February 9, 2009, 10:30 am
Filed under: Blips, bloggers, blogging, fun, happiness, hope, humor, internet, life, me

Whew!

I am so glad I survived the weekend. It was sketchy there for a minute or two!

myhero1

I stole this from Strelitzia, Arrrg!

Friday began slow but around noon I decided to get off the couch and fix the tub faucet and folks it was all downhill from there. Don’t believe e-How for  a minute when they tell you how simple fixing your leak will be. I started at noon and two trips to the hardware store and three pizzas later (no I shared the pizzas) it was six o’clock and the leak was fixed. Oh and all the water that had run from the second floor to the basement was sopped up. Then Saturday morning I discovered that the dehumidifier was toast and all those wet walls and such were drying at a snails pace so that had to be torn apart and replaced.  Add this to the broken recliner and we have ourselves a set of three’s. Did you ever notice that things happen in threes? They do.

There is a bright side. The mercury got all  the way up to the fifties this weekend. I about went into shock! So we threatened the kids, well at least the older ones, that they were going to be lazy good for nothing lumps if they didn’t get their shoes on and off we went to the lake to catch some fish. Here is where I toot my own horn. I was the only one to catch a fish. And I did it all by my self, from hooking it to landing it to slipping it back into the water. Usually hubby is on the side lines coaching me on what to do but not this time, I had it all under control!

So how was your weekend?

*You know you only have a few days to enter the contest right!?

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Beyond Sad
January 30, 2009, 11:46 am
Filed under: help, hope, life, marriage, me

Well, no one had their fingers crossed. Yesterday was awful.

I have never felt so helpless. Sitting there looking at a very intelligent man that wanted to help and couldn’t. Because of just one person. One person that wants to be the boss and deny medical records to the rightful owner. I lost my shit right there. The tears were hot fire balls leaking down my cheek.  My head pounded as my blood boiled. How can they deny a person the right to get better? How can an insurance company ask someone to manage their pain when they don’t even know why there is one? We left in silence. Our day a total loss.

Now today we are in a whole new world. We need legal assistance now. We are going to have to pull out the big guns and fight the war. The peace talks are over. It’s going to be bloody. I’m going to get our life back and someone is going to pay dearly if it kills me.

Someone can help. I just repeat it over and over. It can’t be this way. There has to be help. There has to be. There just has to.



Warning
January 28, 2009, 10:48 am
Filed under: Blips, fun, hope, humor, life, me, nature

Ice here and ice there,
ice ice everywhere.
Melt away and don’t come back
cut a girl a little slack.

It sucks out there, and I have to go out in it. If you never hear from me again I’ve slid off the edge of a cliff and died a fiery death. Why not go out with a bang?



Fuel for the Fire
January 26, 2009, 3:44 am
Filed under: Blips, blogging, events, fun, happiness, history, hope, life, me, outdoors | Tags: ,

As I was driving down an old country road I hadn’t been down in ages I brought up some memories that have gone by the wayside. His name was Dan and I think of him from time to time. I remember the day he and his friend pulled up the driveway in an old beat up green Chevy truck and how I climbed in to meet his smiling face. I could spend the rest of my life climbing into that truck over and over. That look like a little boy is forever engraved in my memory because he looked so happy to just be loved. It was a warm early summer day and it was set before us wide and welcoming. We could do anything, go anywhere and we were doing it together without a watchful eye dictating right from wrong. My favorite part is when he settled his head on my shoulder and gazed up at me while he sang out the words to some forgotten country tune. It said everything about what he wanted from me and it was so much to give at my young age. Not long after that day he packed his bag and went off to basic training in what to me was a far away land. He wrote me a letter nearly everyday for weeks and I have since lost them to the hands of time. How I wish I could read about the days of my younger years and conjure up the past to reminisce.
While he was away my now X husband managed to cultivate a love from me and when Dan returned I was with child. He showed up to see me after months of separation to find that I had moved on unable to wait for him. How awful that must have been for him. But being young we let it go and our paths parted forever. I often wonder what could have been. It’s only natural to think about it now and again. Those letters and the days of fishing by the waters longing only to be together are but a warm memory to take along in this huge heart I have to fill. If our paths should ever cross I would be all ears to hear of the life he has lead without me but until that time I will go with the old but true saying that

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.



More Faith Talk…
January 23, 2009, 10:18 am
Filed under: hope, life, marriage, me

There is this older lady that lives behind me and once upon a time I was friendly with her and would chat across the flower beds. But then I learned who she really was. She was just a bible preaching nasty two faced bitch. I learned from another neighbor that she would go spouting off about my children and the way we live. I spent whole evenings examining my life to see what was so horrible about staying home with my children and providing them with the best childhood I could afford. She only saw the outside of our family. I feel the need to justify myself even now but I won’t. And that is because I know in my deepest of hearts that I am a good person, I have always been a good mother and when someone judges you from just the outside then they don’t have the right to assume your life is as frivolous and carefree on the inside. I did it too though. I judged her. I thought that her love of the church and her need to help out others made her a good person. I trusted her because she trusted in God. Because of that I thought she would be a better person, someone that could show me the way. Yet she turns around and stings me with her tongue, she pointed fingers and accused with no proof to spread on the table. She was the devil.

I understand not every devout worshiper will hold a bible in one hand and a knife in the other but it bothers me that someone can preach the way and then turn their back on someone who is struggling.  It has happened to me twice now and I question it. I add it to the list of cons. This higher power would not refuse a hand reaching out for help and guidance. If you want to preach about the Word then be willing to welcome in the sinner that just can’t grasp why it isn’t good enough to treat people like humans. To treat others for what they are and to guide those that fall into their path with their knowledge.

If you climb on your horse and claim to be pristine then act it. Don’t bend the rules to suit your lifestyle.  Don’t publish reports of small miracles and lessons learned in everyday life to just turn around and test the boundaries of another’s  marriage because it is doesn’t affect you. But it does. For one to take advantage of another who is down is wrong. To embrace them in their fragile state to only shape them into what you need to fulfill your own sickness is wrong.

I didn’t need to read a book that is ages old to understand that life is about being the absolute best you can be. I didn’t need to spend an entire weekend morning on my knees with countless strangers to learn how to be kind to others, to not turn a blind eye on those that really need you. I am no fool when it comes to life but in the end I have been made a fool again. But only for a moment, when I was weak.  Today I am strong again and I can see with perfect clarity that my personal faith has been tested again and I almost lost. I escaped being ravaged by a beast in disguise. One mistake I vow to never break again.



Note to Self; you should really pray today :)
January 20, 2009, 1:58 am
Filed under: bloggers, books, dreams, happiness, help, hope, life, marriage, me

I haven’t blogged about my resistance to God for some time. Just a warning what’s coming. You might not like it, you might agree, you might not.

Sometimes I send out what I like to call a test prayer. I have always had trouble with the whole praying business. If I could write a letter to God I would probably do better with it because some times words have a way of just pouring out of me and making actual sense. But I can’t even remember to write my penpal three times a week  so you know where that’s going.

Anyhow, a couple weeks back I was traveling and I was bored. I didn’t have a whole lot I felt like thinking about and I was ruffling through my life like one would do in an old filing cabinet. Just looking around, wondering why children were filed under the early years and happily married seemed to end in the same time span both times and there were many files left blank that I chose to ignore and let collect dust. Then just like that I looked to the heavens and I almost said out loud, ” Fine. If you really have such an impact on me then show me.” I asked Him to deal out a parlor trick, because I just don’t get it. I try. I really do. But later that day, it was there in my rear view mirror. The flashing lights of doom. I was so preoccupied with a conflict in my schedule brought on by Mother Nature herself that I had forgotten to reduce from 50 mph to 35 mph. And I was busted. Believe me or don’t believe me it could have been very bad. I could have been in a lot of trouble. I still can’t quite figure out how I slipped away with a little ticket and the same life I had a mere ten minutes before.  Was that my sign I asked for? That I have someone watching out for me, but I have to experience some unpleasantness sometimes?

And then to open my email over the weekend and see that someone (an actual bonafide person I know) felt compelled to pray for me. I never feel compelled to pray for anyone, I kind of need a Post it note to remember and all. Just how many people out there remember to pray for me? Is it doing any good? Could life be all that much worse? It’s alot to think about, it makes my head hurt.

Have you ever seen The Five People You Meet in Heaven? I read the book and then a couple years after there was a movie. I never saw the movie but I finally caught it this weekend. It leaves you to think about who’s path you have crossed and caused some kind of impression. I met a lady once that told me all about how she took her mother to pick out the dress she was to be buried in. We politely conversed while sitting at the hair salon and I never saw her again. But it made me think. I never forgot her. Has she forgotten me?

Probably.

I find life confusing on such a gigantic scale that it would reach beyond the heavens themselves. But I feel positive if I keep making room for strangers in this empty cabinet of mine it will all make sense one day.

Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven


The Dreaded Turnpike
January 19, 2009, 1:59 pm
Filed under: help, hope, marriage, me, sick

If you remember my trips to Philly a couple years back then you will understand how heartbreaking it is that we have to return again. Hubby’s back is not responding to treatment here and our last ditch efforts are U Penn, again.
I dread that trip. And if they choose to operate like last time we were there it will be more than just a trip. It’s going to be another long year.