Snot in the Oven
September 22, 2008, 3:49 pm
Filed under: Blips, cooking, happiness, humor, life, me, parenting, sick

The kids woke us yesterday at schoolday time. That means they didn’t sleep in. They crept into my room to tickle my exposed toes and announce in giggly voices that it was time to feed them. I pulled the covers over my head and explained that I was an ostrich and they couldn’t see me. I pleaded for them to go back downstairs and come back in a couple of hours but they kept right on insisting that they were starving to death and my assistance was needed promptly. I pulled on the proper attire and made my way to the kitchen desperately trying to grasp reality. I felt so awful. I hadn’t been drinking, I wasn’t up really late, I hadn’t even indulged in fatty late nite yummies of any sort. Why then did I feel like I belonged in my nice warm bed away from the world.

It took me till lunchtime to realize that I was sick. It was when I was buttering bread and slapping cheese inside the slices that I realized by the end of the day I most likely would feel a whole lot worse. And boy was I right. By the time I pulled the pork roast from the oven my nose was a spout turned on full force and I ended up dripping snot on the oven door. At least I missed the roast.

I hate getting sick. I don’t know anyone that likes it but it’s just not fair. You can’t call off work when you are a mom. You don’t have sick days. I have to sit and watch the house fall apart while I struggle to keep the simplest of tasks on target. Homework done, bodies washed, teeth clean, tummies full.  Even the pets suffer a little when I’m sick, their meals are late their cages aren’t as sparkly. And what takes a day or two to wreck takes a week to repair.

It’s like having a family when your eighty.

Of all the times to get sick my body decided that it should do it when hubby would be away. For four days. Just about the right amount of time for me to be my sickest. I had plans. I had crafting and gutting to do. Projects lined up and adventures to be taken. I have brownies to make and peach cobbler to bake. And now it’s a chore to just get the little ones to school and keep the littlest entertained.

I actually thought about adding a little vodka to my OJ this morning with hopes that it would numb the disappointment. But I feared what would happen when it met Mr. Vicodin that I had just downed. So my script for the day is plenty of Oj and a heaping dose of internet. After all tomorrow is a new day.


Pass the Nitrates Please
September 18, 2008, 10:30 pm
Filed under: cooking, help, life, me, parenting

natalie dee

I just opened an email from my mother, read it and moved on. But it was still tumbling around inside my fat head when I got to Natalie Dee’s site to catch up on the last couple days comics and low and behold there it was…a hot dog one.

Natalie has been reading my mothers email. I’m sure of it.

Mother’s email was a forward from one of her health nut cult members and in these exact words she claimed, “If you eat hot dogs your children and their children may get cancer.”

So this was still at trial in my brain as I moved on and then the comic sparked me to voice my opinion on the subject before the jury went to lunch. Doesn’t everything cause cancer these days? Cell phones, the air, red meat, aspertame, sugar itself, bathroom cleaner, fabric softener and on and on and on. I’m not defending hot dogs anymore than I would defend cigarettes and alcohol, I know they are all bad for you but holy hell people I do want to die in this century and now I have this hot dog thing hanging over my head. I can’t eat a hot dog for the sake of my kids? Well what the hell were the horsepill vitamins for nine months supposed to do?


My son cracked his molar today eating an almond. I’m just really pissed and the whole hot dog thing must have been the icing on the cake. I am already overwhelmed, I don’t need to stress if I should feed the kids cereal tomorrow, you know, in case it kills them.

August 16, 2008, 3:41 pm
Filed under: cooking | Tags: , ,

One thing I am not great at is cooking. I have made homemade bread several times in my adulthood and each and every time it would end up hard as a rock in a day. I have studied technique, shuffled thorough endless recipes and tried the best flour money could buy. All to no avail. I once had notions of attending a cooking school and pursuing a career in the field. But now it just seems worthless to even try, it’s another of life’s joys that I just don’t have the knack for.

Until two days ago.

I discovered a cookbook at the library full of Amish recipes (The Amish Cook by Elizabeth Coblentz and Kevin Williams) and the picture of bread in it is enough to make you drool. It looked so yummy I had to make it right away, and I did. And it WORKED! Since it worked so well I am going to try it with a whole wheat flour next because in case you haven’t noticed whole grain breads cost an arm and a leg these days. And I can barely afford them! I can easily drop a twenty on just bread alone in one week. For my family to have toasted cheese for lunch we go through almost an entire loaf of bread. French toast, BLT’s, you name it if it involves bread it goes fast around here. I have been looking for a way to cut costs in this department and the milk aisle. I don’t have anywhere to keep a cow so that is not going to be an easy venture.

Anyway, here is the recipe for the bread, bon appetit!

1 package active dry yeast
1/2 cup plus 2 cups warm water or milk
1 heaping tablespoon of shortening or lard
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon salt
7 to 8 cups all purpose flour

In a small bowl, dissolve  yeast in the 1/2 cup warm water. In a large mixing bowl, combine lard, sugar,salt, and the remaining 2 cups of water. Into the mixing bowl, stir the yeast and enough flour to make a soft elastic dough that doesn’t stick to the sides of the bowl. Cover the dough with a loose piece of cheesecloth or plastic wrap and let rise till double about one and a half hours in a warm draft free place.
Punch dough down and divide into two balls. Shape into loaves and place in a greased bread pan. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise about another forty five to sixty minutes. Bake at 325 for 45 minutes. The bread will sound hollow when it’s done. After removing the bread from the oven brush the top with butter, this makes a softer crust.

As If
August 8, 2008, 11:36 pm
Filed under: cooking, humor, marriage, parenting | Tags: , , , , ,

Remember yesterday? It was cut shorter than a quickie in a truck stop bathroom. As I was doing the dishes I was saying to myself literally out load that I could have anything I want for supper, the phone rang. I answered with reluctance and found that my youngest had been stung by a wasp. He is the one with the allergies and we had no idea if that included bees, wasps or aliens. So I had to jump in the car as a precaution so that I would be close should he have any kind of reaction. I was calm about it and agreed that I would come right away but inside my brain was stuttering, “Bbbbuut I haven’t eaten all day. I was, I was, I was going to eat something wonderful!!” *sigh* Maybe next time.

I did however end up swinging through a Burger King on the way home and I ordered a chicken sandwich with no mayo and the little ones got milkshakes. The man rang my card through, gave me my food and shakes and yet I still sat there. I was lost in thought and not totally in the moment. Then this little young thing swings the window open and says brightly, “Are you waiting for something?!” And I glance over at the passenger seat and saw my chicken warmly nestled inside it’s greasy paper bag and I looked at her and said, “No. Not anymore.” All the while noticing the big black guy that had rung me up snickering and shall I say cowering behind her. I don’t know what happened really. I was utterly shocked at the ginormous size of the milkshake they handed me for the kids and the straws were big enough to suck a hot dog through. I guess you could say it threw me for a loop.

Then today I woke up with a little pep in me. I felt constructive and energetic and made a full sized meal for lunch while cleaning out a cabinet long past it’s due and keeping up with dishes. It all came to a screeching halt when the husband appeared from his slumber, clearly in pain. He had re-injured his back. I pretended it wasn’t real at first, it can’t be happening. But after a trip to the drug store for milk and a nudge to make myself accept reality I accepted the words and tried to help. But there is nothing I can do. I can’t fix it. I can’t even tell him why it won’t heal. He is between a rock and a hard place and I just happened to be feeling some of the squish. The man has been back to work for a total of two days. And the real kicker is that they had him do what hurt his back in the first place way back in December. Why after months of not doing heavy duty work would they start him off right where he left off? It is insane that he wasn’t eased back into it. I’m just flabberagasted. And I should mention that it didn’t hurt until he came home. He must have thought he was super man or something. I just keep trying not to think about it and then I get myself started and I end up feeling defeated and wanting to just sit down and cry as if it would do any good. In two years he has worked a grand total of eleven months. After recovering from the two arm operations and finally returning to work this happens.  I’m going to stop talking about it now before I end up sobbing in the corner.

I made zucchini bread last night. the recipe called for olive oil which made me happy. I know there are healthier versions with applesauce but I found this one after searching a few of my cookbooks and that is the one I chose. It was really good but as with anything I cook there is usually some sort of destruction. When I went to remove them from the pans they came out without their bottoms on. Oooh! Scandalous! It didn’t even phase me, I’m getting used to being a horrible cook. It’s just not my thing. But the bread is divine and I shall share the recipe with you soon. And if you make it tell me all about it cause then I will know that you managed to read this entire very long post.