Beyond Sad
January 30, 2009, 11:46 am
Filed under: help, hope, life, marriage, me

Well, no one had their fingers crossed. Yesterday was awful.

I have never felt so helpless. Sitting there looking at a very intelligent man that wanted to help and couldn’t. Because of just one person. One person that wants to be the boss and deny medical records to the rightful owner. I lost my shit right there. The tears were hot fire balls leaking down my cheek.  My head pounded as my blood boiled. How can they deny a person the right to get better? How can an insurance company ask someone to manage their pain when they don’t even know why there is one? We left in silence. Our day a total loss.

Now today we are in a whole new world. We need legal assistance now. We are going to have to pull out the big guns and fight the war. The peace talks are over. It’s going to be bloody. I’m going to get our life back and someone is going to pay dearly if it kills me.

Someone can help. I just repeat it over and over. It can’t be this way. There has to be help. There has to be. There just has to.


Note to Self; you should really pray today :)
January 20, 2009, 1:58 am
Filed under: bloggers, books, dreams, happiness, help, hope, life, marriage, me

I haven’t blogged about my resistance to God for some time. Just a warning what’s coming. You might not like it, you might agree, you might not.

Sometimes I send out what I like to call a test prayer. I have always had trouble with the whole praying business. If I could write a letter to God I would probably do better with it because some times words have a way of just pouring out of me and making actual sense. But I can’t even remember to write my penpal three times a week  so you know where that’s going.

Anyhow, a couple weeks back I was traveling and I was bored. I didn’t have a whole lot I felt like thinking about and I was ruffling through my life like one would do in an old filing cabinet. Just looking around, wondering why children were filed under the early years and happily married seemed to end in the same time span both times and there were many files left blank that I chose to ignore and let collect dust. Then just like that I looked to the heavens and I almost said out loud, ” Fine. If you really have such an impact on me then show me.” I asked Him to deal out a parlor trick, because I just don’t get it. I try. I really do. But later that day, it was there in my rear view mirror. The flashing lights of doom. I was so preoccupied with a conflict in my schedule brought on by Mother Nature herself that I had forgotten to reduce from 50 mph to 35 mph. And I was busted. Believe me or don’t believe me it could have been very bad. I could have been in a lot of trouble. I still can’t quite figure out how I slipped away with a little ticket and the same life I had a mere ten minutes before.  Was that my sign I asked for? That I have someone watching out for me, but I have to experience some unpleasantness sometimes?

And then to open my email over the weekend and see that someone (an actual bonafide person I know) felt compelled to pray for me. I never feel compelled to pray for anyone, I kind of need a Post it note to remember and all. Just how many people out there remember to pray for me? Is it doing any good? Could life be all that much worse? It’s alot to think about, it makes my head hurt.

Have you ever seen The Five People You Meet in Heaven? I read the book and then a couple years after there was a movie. I never saw the movie but I finally caught it this weekend. It leaves you to think about who’s path you have crossed and caused some kind of impression. I met a lady once that told me all about how she took her mother to pick out the dress she was to be buried in. We politely conversed while sitting at the hair salon and I never saw her again. But it made me think. I never forgot her. Has she forgotten me?


I find life confusing on such a gigantic scale that it would reach beyond the heavens themselves. But I feel positive if I keep making room for strangers in this empty cabinet of mine it will all make sense one day.

Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

The Dreaded Turnpike
January 19, 2009, 1:59 pm
Filed under: help, hope, marriage, me, sick

If you remember my trips to Philly a couple years back then you will understand how heartbreaking it is that we have to return again. Hubby’s back is not responding to treatment here and our last ditch efforts are U Penn, again.
I dread that trip. And if they choose to operate like last time we were there it will be more than just a trip. It’s going to be another long year.

Pass the Nitrates Please
September 18, 2008, 10:30 pm
Filed under: cooking, help, life, me, parenting

natalie dee

I just opened an email from my mother, read it and moved on. But it was still tumbling around inside my fat head when I got to Natalie Dee’s site to catch up on the last couple days comics and low and behold there it was…a hot dog one.

Natalie has been reading my mothers email. I’m sure of it.

Mother’s email was a forward from one of her health nut cult members and in these exact words she claimed, “If you eat hot dogs your children and their children may get cancer.”

So this was still at trial in my brain as I moved on and then the comic sparked me to voice my opinion on the subject before the jury went to lunch. Doesn’t everything cause cancer these days? Cell phones, the air, red meat, aspertame, sugar itself, bathroom cleaner, fabric softener and on and on and on. I’m not defending hot dogs anymore than I would defend cigarettes and alcohol, I know they are all bad for you but holy hell people I do want to die in this century and now I have this hot dog thing hanging over my head. I can’t eat a hot dog for the sake of my kids? Well what the hell were the horsepill vitamins for nine months supposed to do?


My son cracked his molar today eating an almond. I’m just really pissed and the whole hot dog thing must have been the icing on the cake. I am already overwhelmed, I don’t need to stress if I should feed the kids cereal tomorrow, you know, in case it kills them.

Put On Your Halo
September 10, 2008, 1:35 pm
Filed under: bloggers, blogging, help

I realize I don’t generate much traffic but if you happen to visit me click here and read about a fellow blogger who has been in a tragic accident with her husband.

Kim at Today’s Creative Blog is holding an auction with donated items to help raise money for the couple.

Isn’t that so very nice? So if you are so inclined maybe you could buy something for Grandma for Christmas over there and help a family of six out? I know I would be grateful!

Resume clicking now.