Where Would YOU Go for the Ultimate Valentine’s Date?
February 10, 2009, 1:34 pm
Filed under: blogging, dreams, events, fun, happiness, humor, internet, life, me, Plinky

New York City

Dinner, a show, a walk, whatever then an overnight stay in a fancy hotel with all the trimmings. It’s OK to dream….



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Late Night Trysts
January 21, 2009, 2:06 am
Filed under: Blips, dreams, life, me, night

I ‘ve been having nightmares.

Some nights it’s just the running around with nothing making sense kind of dreams where I wake up feeling exhausted. Other nights I feel as though I never quite went into that deep sleep we need. I kind of float with a sort of mumbling going on like someone trying to remember their grocery list for the few blocks that it takes to get there.

But then there are the dreams of my teeth falling out. Of being displaced. Haunted. Once when I was a teenager and my parents thought I would be better off with them miles apart from each other so they wouldn’t murder each other I had a dream that I was outside of a house in the dark. I knew my dad was in there and I looked up and there was a ghostly face in the window. It scared the bejeezus out of me, I woke up all freaked out. But then I realized it was just a dream and I floated off to an uneventful sleep.  Then last month I was running and this ghost with no face was chasing me and every time it caught up to me it would scream this banshee cry and I would run some more and I remember looking inside of the waste container in the vacuum and I screamed with all I had inside of it and shoved it back where it belonged.  Never has anything been so tense. In the end, I got away from it, it kind of blew itself up and I ran home. Then there were sleepless nights and the floating dreams and other things that made no sense and were quickly forgotten until last night. The ghost was back and this time it was pissed because I had moved an object in the attic of an old house.  Only this time I had an attitude with the ghost.  It was everyone else in the dream that worried about what it could do, but I was cool as a cucumber and it didn’t concern me. I wanted to move on. I even woke from the dream feeling more disgusted than frightened.

But still. Night is not an easy time for me. It never was. I would rather run amok in the still of the night than to confront the evils of daylight. But I would much rather do it with all my teeth.



Hobbies
January 20, 2009, 12:11 pm
Filed under: crafting, dreams, fun, happiness, humor, life, me, sewing

I have made a career of hobbies in the most half assed ways one could do so. I dabble here and dabble there and in the end I hardly ever end up with a complete project. If it’s finished, I must have really liked it. If it’s not finished then I’m thinking real hard about it, good things take time.

I took up the art of crochet recently for about a day. I always scoffed at ladies who claimed to do it, “Oh that seems so boring, I don’t think I could handle it!” Well let me tell you, I don’t think I have ever truly had to eat my words worse than the day I realized with crushing clarity that I haven’t an f’n clue how to crochet. And I considered picking up knitting! I fell in love with a pattern for a dishtowel, it’s a square for the love of yarn how hard could it be?!  I conferred with mom and she taught me the language, yes there is a special code. And she showed me a stitch or two and then she left. She left me alone with my hook and yarn and I failed miserably. In the end I discovered through the the Information Superhighway that indeed she taught me how to DC in the 3rd CH all wrong.

I think I’ll stick to embroidery. Much more chance to liven things up with a little color than some boring old yarn. But I’ll hand it to you knitters out there, I’ll never be in your knitter circle I can promise you that!

~I am going to have a first ever give away soon! So sit up straight, all three of you! We’re about to have us some company!



Note to Self; you should really pray today :)
January 20, 2009, 1:58 am
Filed under: bloggers, books, dreams, happiness, help, hope, life, marriage, me

I haven’t blogged about my resistance to God for some time. Just a warning what’s coming. You might not like it, you might agree, you might not.

Sometimes I send out what I like to call a test prayer. I have always had trouble with the whole praying business. If I could write a letter to God I would probably do better with it because some times words have a way of just pouring out of me and making actual sense. But I can’t even remember to write my penpal three times a week  so you know where that’s going.

Anyhow, a couple weeks back I was traveling and I was bored. I didn’t have a whole lot I felt like thinking about and I was ruffling through my life like one would do in an old filing cabinet. Just looking around, wondering why children were filed under the early years and happily married seemed to end in the same time span both times and there were many files left blank that I chose to ignore and let collect dust. Then just like that I looked to the heavens and I almost said out loud, ” Fine. If you really have such an impact on me then show me.” I asked Him to deal out a parlor trick, because I just don’t get it. I try. I really do. But later that day, it was there in my rear view mirror. The flashing lights of doom. I was so preoccupied with a conflict in my schedule brought on by Mother Nature herself that I had forgotten to reduce from 50 mph to 35 mph. And I was busted. Believe me or don’t believe me it could have been very bad. I could have been in a lot of trouble. I still can’t quite figure out how I slipped away with a little ticket and the same life I had a mere ten minutes before.  Was that my sign I asked for? That I have someone watching out for me, but I have to experience some unpleasantness sometimes?

And then to open my email over the weekend and see that someone (an actual bonafide person I know) felt compelled to pray for me. I never feel compelled to pray for anyone, I kind of need a Post it note to remember and all. Just how many people out there remember to pray for me? Is it doing any good? Could life be all that much worse? It’s alot to think about, it makes my head hurt.

Have you ever seen The Five People You Meet in Heaven? I read the book and then a couple years after there was a movie. I never saw the movie but I finally caught it this weekend. It leaves you to think about who’s path you have crossed and caused some kind of impression. I met a lady once that told me all about how she took her mother to pick out the dress she was to be buried in. We politely conversed while sitting at the hair salon and I never saw her again. But it made me think. I never forgot her. Has she forgotten me?

Probably.

I find life confusing on such a gigantic scale that it would reach beyond the heavens themselves. But I feel positive if I keep making room for strangers in this empty cabinet of mine it will all make sense one day.

Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven


History in a Box
January 4, 2009, 11:59 pm
Filed under: Blips, dreams, history, hope, life, me

I began a little book with old pictures of my Grandparents. I refuse to die with a box of pictures by my bed. I know if I don’t showcase them in a way that shows how extremely special they are to me they will end up at a flea market and later be found in thousands of frames for sale at the local box store. Basically forgotten. Every time  I thumb through them I am overwhelmed with so many thoughts and questions. Some of the people I don’t even know, like this little boy from about the 60’s. There are three pictures all the exact same shot in the box, and why? He is a cute little thing but upon closer study I realize he has dirty nails and rotten teeth. What kind of life did he lead? Why didn’t his mother go over every detail and make sure his nails were clean? Back then, judging from the stories my Grandmother told me, getting your kids pictures professionally taken was a big deal. She once told me her best friend who lived down the street had to keep wire over the baby’s crib to keep the rats away. And another lady that just lived nearby would drape dirty pee’d diapers around to dry and reuse them. My Grandfather was married before my Grandmother and he had a baby with her. Well the baby died and was buried in an unmarked grave. Once he was married to Gram they saved and saved to have a tiny little marker put where she was buried. Twenty five dollars. So I know that in that neck of town back then that pictures were a precious thing and I’m going to guess in the 1930’s alot of people didn’t have such a privilege as they do now.

But what eats at me the most is that she (gram) was young once. They were all young at one time. They had a good time together and I believe that she was relatively happy. She fell in love and had babies and struggled with the same issues I struggle with myself. Just slightly different.

My grandfather died before I could remember him but I know as sure as the dirt I stand on that his green thumb was passed all the way to me. I know him every time I turn the earth and plug in a tomato plant. I know the joy he felt when he found that perfect rose, the largest tomato and the prettiest butterfly. He took a pile of pictures of his garden in 71′. And they have just kind of hung around in a drawer or a box for those thirty eight years. But not anymore, they are going to be displayed as a piece of my history. He was a horrible photographer, but to me they are everything I know of him. There is one where you can just read Grandma’s face, he handed her a tomato and said to hold it up so he could get a picture of it. He cut her off from the neck down and barely got the tomato in the frame. But it was good enough that you could see Gram sitting there with a look of “Oh I’ll humor him this time!” on her young barely wrinkled face.

I keep beating myself up. I didn’t say goodbye. If I just would have been there for those last few minutes I wouldn’t have to think of the last time I saw her in that bed. She was gone. Forever. It has never meant more to me that word. Forever never seemed so long. Till that tiny little moment, that speck in my life where I lost her. She’s better off, but I should have been there. I should have. I just should.

I dream of her, and the last time I woke feeling kind of like I got to see her one more time. I put my arms around her and then I woke up. And I realized it was just a dream. A trick of my mind. A way to ease the pain I don’t think will ever go away. I look at the past in these photos and wish that I could just climb into them and hear what they are saying. I want to know where they went when the camera was tucked back in it’s case. I want to be with them one more time. I don’t want them to be stuck in a box in the corner of a room.

Collecting dust on my soul.



Work in Progress
November 24, 2008, 12:13 am
Filed under: Blips, dreams, events, fun, happiness, humor, life, me, nature, outdoors, parenting

So far so good.

This has been such fun. A couple highlights shall we?

The very first day of work was to paint up a handful of signs. I love to paint, I love the way it fits in my hand. Big or little I feel such power in a paintbrush.  Like how it would feel to paint the colors of the flowers and the sky. It could be anything. But I was stuck with red, green and black. I never did get back to paint the wreaths on them. You see my business partner was feeling ill that day. She ended up depositing her lunch in the flower bed and going inside to fall asleep in her coat and boots. It’s already funny.

So I finished the signs myself and rushed home to deal with my other life, I got one side painted and they are great! Then the next day I sat. I waited and waited for that Fed Ex guy. He came at eight thirty at night. We were just so bummed, an entire day shot to hell. Then the big day, we set up our table turned on our lights and proceeded to whip out a total of 7 wreaths in four hours. I stood at the door and scratched my head, surely I’m going to have to pick up the pace a bit here. That’s like, well that’s just nuts. So I went home fed the troops, did the dishes, threw in some laundry and got everyone bathed. But I couldn’t stop thinking about that tiny pile of wreaths in that cold dark barn. I had to go make more. So I piled on layer after layer and off I went, I think I got seven more done. It was crushing to think we had two days to do 150 rings, there was just no way with one machine. So Friday we set to work and finally I had gotten faster, she had mapped out what was needed to be cut and we formed the best wreath making team in the world. Really we did. But it still wasn’t fast enough. I again went home, fed the troops, and right back out the door. This time with TWO extra pairs of hands. Now we had someone to cut trees, feed kids, strip trees and bring us beer. At the end of the night I picked up my can and I got a mouth full of slushy beer. Just the way I like it but it meant I was withstanding the 24 degree cold too. (I shivered just thinking about it.) Then back home, after a  careful drive in slick icy conditions, in bed by midnight only to rise at seven and get back on the road. But this time we had THREE extra pairs of hands. It was such a relief.  My oldest found us a radio and cranked up a station of just Christmas tunes. We laughed. We worked. We bitched about our feet aching. Our tree cutter left for a little while to help fix someones leak and while he was gone we ran out of trees. Oh the horror! My oldest grabbed the funny looking saw, I forget what you call that thing, and went to the center of the patch for the biggest one he could find. He drug that puppy up to the barn and we were back in business. But while we waited for that to be trimmed he walked up to the house and brought me a hot dog, I had requested ketchup but he had forgot it. I said, “You’re never gonna believe this,” and I whipped out a packet of ketchup that was stashed in my coat. We roared over that one. We told other jokes and we planned out intricate practical jokes. I danced on purpose and I danced just trying to get to an itch, and everyone laughed both times. The very last wreath we made was a 36 inch frame and it took an entire tree! Amazing.

This is life. This is what I needed. I’m liking it.



I’m a Dreamer
October 1, 2008, 6:13 pm
Filed under: Blips, dreams, happiness, hope, life, me, night, parenting

I have been dreaming crazy stuff lately. Like last night I had a dream that my mother was to bring home my kids and only brought the youngest half. I was really upset like they were gone forever but she claimed that they were at the hospital and I freaked out before she could finish. Come to find out that they were waiting for their half-brother/sister to be born. Let me interject here and tell you that both my X and his wife are fixed, you know so they can’t spread anymore of their devil spawn. Thank goodness my half of his kids were mixed with my angelic eggs. *L* It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t go there.

Anyway. But a couple of nights ago I was dreaming about this cabin like place and I had a baby instead of my usual tribe and there were candles lit everywhere. Little votive ones. I walked out into a kind of hallway and there was a door to a porch or something and when I got out there I was suddenly on the other side of the door. Don’t you just love how you can teleport in dreams? I looked at the door and there was a wreath on it, down low under the window and guess what was nestled in opening of it. A votive. That is the dumbest place ever to put fire. And over top of a box of tissues to boot, that had caught fire from the melting wax dripping over the edge of the wreath. So I stamped it out gently with my shoe and stood there staring at it in disbelief until I was off to my next fantasy about who knows what.

I was so intrigued by this dream that I looked a few things up on the web and while I can’t remember what else went on in my wonderland as of now the putting out of the fire part is what keeps poking into my daily thoughts. Putting out a fire signifies that you will overcome life’s obstacles through much work and effort. It’s almost like a prediction. It gave me the hope I didn’t know I needed to keep going. Life has been rough the last couple of years. It has been turned upside down and my future has danced on the edge of a tall cliff for too long. Can a dream really tell me that just maybe this obstacle will be overcome soon? Maybe I will get my safety net back so I can recover from it all? I can only hope and keep going.

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