Workin’ It
August 2, 2008, 10:40 pm
Filed under: Blips | Tags: , , , ,

Some things that have been on my mind.

Will I ever feel like a grown up? Will I ever be able to refer to myself as a woman without being taken aback as if it  didn’t sit right? I raise children and pay bills. I’m solely responsible for the laundry of seven people, the food in the fridge and the gas tank in the cars. So then why is it I still feel like a child? There are many times as I go through life that I think to myself, “Well that isn’t me, I’m still just a girl.” A man in the store called me Mame recently and I looked at him as though he had three heads. I’m pretty sure Miss is a little more on target here. Does any grown up ever feel like a grown up?

Why is it that the children would rather call to me from one room to the other when their father is sitting in the same room as them? Really, he can give them a tissue and clean up their spills just the same. I have noticed that I will walk from the kitchen to the living room to settle a fight when he is sitting right there. I don’t get it, even when I say, “Ask your father.” I still end up being the one doing whatever thing it is.

Where did my libido go? I have taken my resentment out on the husband and myself. Why should I deprive myself of something so adult that makes me feel more like a woman just because I carry way more of the work load here. Because you can’t have a deep meaningful connection with ugly thoughts and feelings in the middle. The road there has a major accident blocking the path and I am waiting for the paramedics to come. But I don’t think anyone has called them yet.

Yes, it is all connected. This gigantic funk that has come over me is all things combined into one big ball. I want what every woman in the world wants weather they want to admit it or not. I want flowers and taps on the behind. I want to be kissed passionately in public. I want to feel loved.

There, it’s out. It all boils down to needing the littlest, cheapest thing in the world. I shouldn’t have to ask for it, it makes it less meaningful anyway. I deserve to be made a queen instead of a servant and I shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting it or having it. Love is such a powerful thing it shouldn’t be left to get stale in some box on the shelf amongst the whithered rose and handwritten notes of love. It shouldn’t be assumed or hidden. There should be no shame in it.

Yet there is. There must be. There must be a reason I feel so empty some times. There was a time I was so full I would have sworn to you that I would burst.

Or maybe I just need a vacation. Yeah, that’s it.


1 Comment so far
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what you need is acknoweldgement and some pampering. It is odd that most men don’t get these two simple interventions could do so much good.

Comment by urspo

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